I want a big red mushroom-switch on my desk which I can bash, and maybe a big heavy rubber mallet to bash it with. When pressed, the switch sets my voicemail message to “FUCK OFF” and redirects all incoming calls directly to it, deactivates my voicemail light so that I can’t even see if I have messages, lowers an opaque cone-of-silence over my desk, lights up a big neon sign over my head which says the same thing, and runs kill -9 on any instances of Thunderbird or Gaim I might be running. Maybe it could erect a ten-foot-high electrified razor-wire barrier around my desk and spray all my adjacent workmates with tear-gas while it’s at it…

Then again, maybe I’m just having one of those mornings.

Prospective employers please note: I am blogging this, not doing it. My actual workmates think I’m a lovely person, and really I don’t hate them. It’s the customers who are currently earning my special, passionate malice.