As a general rule, I don’t stress about the disconnect between my vaguely communist ideals and my highly corporate-drone job, in an IT outsourcing firm of all places. I do my best to contribute according to my ability, whether compelled by work or not, and when what I receive is more than genuinely accords to my needs, I try to turn it to the cause of being more self-sufficient, or to tuck a bit of it away in some kind of regular charity donation.

On this particular occasion (two weeks prior to date of posting), however, I found myself feeling a bit uncomfortable again, feeling: this is grossly inappropriate, surely no-one really Needs this?

Where was I?

I was sitting in the ‘Promenade’ cafe under Veritas with the (all male) training group, with whom I was in the process of studying up on Veritas Storage Foundation at the behest of my employer, eating a needlessly large hot paid-for lunch, looking out through the floor-to-ceiling glass walls at the passing StKilda road traffic of expensive cars and expensive suits… and listening to the piped music: Money, Money, Money (a very angry and unhappy song by ABBA standards).

The training, in hindsight, was useful. The lunches were a nice freebie. I need to emphasize how grateful I am to my employer for these things, but still I am uneasy.

I’m a university-educated white caucasian male, living in the first world, with a job and a car and a nice IT job that pays far more than it would in any other industry. What justifies my existence, in a world where half the population lives on less than $2USD per day?

Right now, this is not a question to which I have an acceptable answer.