For some time now, E has has three highly noteworthy alarm clocks (only two of which are currently in use) purchased to circumvent the eternal problem of The
- The Earth Shaker 116db pink loveheart.
This alarming looking thing is the Alpha alarm-clock: It beats up other alarm clocks and steals their harems. It’s just impossibly loud, with a tunable alarm pitch so you can find the type of noise that best drills into your head. The bed-shaker is also disconcertingly effective. A traditional alarm-clock that goes up to 11, this thing only has two potential issues: 1. It doesn’t seem to keep terribly accurate time. 2. The brilliant technicolor glowing numerals may be too bright to sleep in front of for some.
- The Helicopter.
The alarm goes off, and the top of the (battery powered, screwed shut) alarm clock literally flies away. It is then impossible to snooze or stop the alarm until you find the top bit and put its keyed butt back into the clock… or unscrew the battery hatch and remove the power-source. The alarm tone itself is a nice trek-esque klaxon noise, but the sensation of something suddenly spinning shakily at many RPM not too far from your head is also a powerful inducement to wake up. Cons: 1. Battery life is actually really good, but a vital alarm which can go flat is still a minor irk. 2. The savagery which this alarm can induce is detrimental to the somewhat fragile rotor and key assembly. The rotor itself is replaceable, but the key mechanism can break too. 3. This clock turns out to be susceptible to autonomic snooze-button-slapping, provided one’s reflexes are fast enough to pre-empt lift-off.
- The chimes.
A gentle alarm. If you’re susceptible to quiet-but-attention-grabbing alarms, this is ideal, with its wind-chime-like tinkling.
But lately I have seen a truly silly number of novel alarm clocks on the various fora I frequent, and decided that it was time for my own round-up of these sado-masochistic toys/tools.
- The clock that calls your friends if you don’t get up.
Appears to use bluetooth to drive your mobile, after your first three-minute snooze it calls a random contactfrom your phone’s address book. Evil and manipulative.
- The clock that runs away.
A one-off research project,when you hit Clocky’s snooze button, Clocky rolls off your bedside table and hides, so that you have to find it to turn off the next alarm.
- The bomb clock.
Makes you solve a wiring sequence problem with colored plugs and lights.Goes BOOM if you take too long or don’t get it right.
- The clock that makes you pump iron.
Dumbbell-shaped clock requires thirty reps to appease it.
- The clock that thinks it’s a headcrab.
Another one-off, this clock hangs from the ceiling above your bed, slowly winds itself up higher every time you hit snooze.