This post is partly a response to a post by the Mododrum herself. She points out the following link:
Which talks about five “Geek Social Fallacies”:
- Ostracizers Are Evil
- Friends Accept Me As I Am
- Friendship Before All
- Friendship Is Transitive
- Friends Do Everything Together
…and she correlates it to certain social circles. Since those social circles aren’t entities subject to individual abuse or identity fraud, I’m going to go out on a limb here and take a stab at naming them openly:
(note: I count, or have counted, myself a member of all of these)
- Korner (physical)
- Korner (virtual)
- The SCA College of Saint Monica
- A miscellany of other Monash University social clubs and groups peripheral thereto.
The part I was getting to, in naming these groups, is simply that I agree.
…wholeheartedly. If I had read this article when I finished high-school and really let myself see my surroundings in the terms it describes, I might have had a much happier, healthier, saner life the past fifteen years. Pathological conflict avoidance and the unwillingness to criticize that which is plainly aberrant and unhealthy, these are not adult behaviours. In fact, doing this to your friends and peers is passive aggression, no different than the vicious sabotage of smilingly telling a friend that they look great and sending them out the door to a photo-shoot when they have visible food in their teeth. Criticism is how we grow. In its absence, we don’t just stagnate, we atrophy.
I can recall a time when I believed and lived by every one of these fallacies to a frightening degree. The cost of this behaviour has only really started to become clear to me in the last three years, and the damage is extreme. Every part of my life from my health and education to my work skills and my lifetime financial achievement has been grievously harmed by these beliefs. I shudder to think of the colossal damage I have done to others in the service of these delusions.
For what little it’s worth, I’m sorry.
I’m also more than a little angry, but if you read the article on Geek Social Fallacies and recognized yourself in there, then I’m not angry at you, not any more. You probably did yourself at least as much harm as you ever did me, and you have my sympathy.